


I Will Remember You

by wallflowerwriting



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-03-05 04:00:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3104786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wallflowerwriting/pseuds/wallflowerwriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story is pretty angsty and briefly mentions Buffy the Vampire Slayer (cause that show was amazing). Carmilla contemplates Laura's and her future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Remember You

Carmilla sat at Laura’s computer looking at the scene she had had paused on there for the last half an hour. Ever since the time she had been tied up and forced to watch everything modern having to do with vampires, she figured being an actual vampire she should know all the versions pop culture had come up with. She had to admit she was highly disappointed with how her kind had been portrayed in the 21st century. What kind of vampire sparkles in the sunlight?

  
Since Laura had to study for exams, Carmilla decided to catch up on years and years worth of vampire lore. All these vampires changing who they were and fighting their natures and none more so than when it came to a girl. Was she herself just becoming another played-out cliché? Or was there more truth to these stories than she wanted to admit? Here she was waiting in a dorm room for Laura instead of out terrorizing the night and hunting some girl for some fun and a quick meal. These shows made her angry but the more she thought about it the more she thought it was because they were reflecting something in her she didn’t want to admit. She cared about Laura, was very much in love with Laura, sacrificed herself for what, for this no good world? No. It had been for Laura and Laura alone. Maybe these shows had it mostly right. When it came to vampires like with people there were many different kinds, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

  
Carmilla refocused her eyes on the screen to a broken looking Buffy. She had watched her and Angel’s relationship being played out from when they first met to when they first made love to when Buffy had to kill him to save the world. Carmilla thought it would end there but then Angel came back and now here they were in the sewers and he was breaking up with her and that heartbreaking speech he had just given her and the situation they faced, Carmilla realized it looked a lot like her and Laura’s. Sure there were some differences. Carmilla was able to make love to Laura without the part where she would go evil and try to kill her so there was an advantage that Buffy and Angel most certainly didn't have. But Carmilla had to admit the biggest disadvantage. Buffy was the slayer and like she had said she would never have a normal life, demons, vampires, the darkness would always be such an integral part of her life whether she was with Angel or not. But Laura, Laura could have a normal life. What had brought her life in contact with the supernatural? This university and Carmilla herself. If she left, Laura would have a normal life, get married, have children, grow old with the person she loved. Carmilla could never do that.

  
For a while she supposed things would be okay. She just looks young Laura would explain to their neighbors. But after a while they would either have to move after every few years or live sequestered away from the eyes of the rest of the world, hidden like they were living with some awful shame. And what about children? Laura was going to make a great mother, Carmilla could see that, and the girl had already mentioned how much she wanted kids some day. When that had happened Carmilla had smiled silently and been unable to look at the girl. She supposed they could have children, could explain to them how one of their mothers was an immortal creature, a nightmare creature to most children. But what pain would that be? Not only would Carmilla have to watch the love of her life die but also her children? She couldn’t do it, would be tempted to turn them, maybe they would even beg her to but she wouldn’t subject them to the pain of a never ending life. It was more likely she and Laura would never have children and she knew Laura would resent her for it. She could picture their life together living in a big old house in the middle of nowhere neither one of them leaving the house much because when they came into contact with people there were just too many questions that couldn't be answered. She saw Laura looking at her with hate in her eyes as she aged and Carmilla still looked 18, saw Laura picture this marriage as a death sentence, this house as a prison. Yet never leaving because she had chosen this and now she had to live with that choice.

  
When you’re young, life seems so full of possibilities. Laura would tell her all these options they had and how things would be different from what Carmilla pictured. But Carmilla knew the truth. Ever since her immortal life had begun it had become less of a life and more of a game and now the game was getting dangerous, getting real. She loved Laura too much to hurt her like that, to let her become that bitter, resentful, regretful, imprisoned woman. She wouldn’t watch it happen.  
Laura was at the library studying with Danny now and Carmilla thought how much she hated that Amazon. Except she didn't hate her at all, she was jealous, jealous of the life Danny could give Laura, the normal life, the marriage, the kids, the holidays with the rest of their families, the growing old together, growing with each other, things she could never do. As these thoughts raced through her head, Carmilla had started packing, just throwing things in her bag messily. Was she leaving? Could she leave? She had just found Laura, things were just starting to be good. Could she leave the love of her life knowing she would never have this opportunity to be this happy again? Could she leave without saying goodbye? Could she hurt Laura like that?

  
“That's what I’m saying. How can he put that on the exam when he never even mentioned it in class. Everyone else is going to be screwed. Good thing I have inside information.” Laura looked up adoringly at Danny as they entered Laura and Carmilla’s dorm room.  
“It might be slightly unethical but you’re worth it” Danny replied bashfully.

  
“What are you doing?” Laura asked looking at Carmilla now, who froze with her hand halfway in her bag depositing another shirt inside.

  
“Just cleaning up some of this stuff I don’t wear anymore. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this buttercup, but we don’t actually have that much space sharing that one dresser.”

  
“Oh.” Laura replied accepting this. “Anyway thanks again, Danny, for the help with the studying and also for walking me back to my room.” She said once again returning her attention to her friend.

  
“No problem.” Danny turned to leave.

  
“Wait. We were going to go to dinner. Would you like to join us?” Carmilla asked stopping the girl. Danny turned back her eyes wide with surprise. She looked to Laura for help in this uncharted territory. Was Carmilla actually being nice to her? Laura shrugged just as surprised as Danny, her face eagerly awaiting a response.

  
“Sure, sounds good. I just have to use the bathroom first.”

  
Laura crossed the room and took Carmilla’s hand when Danny was in the bathroom. “What’s this? Are you actually trying to be nice?” She smirked up at the girl.  
“Well I figured since you’re so fond of her.” Laura’s smirk grew wider. “For some reason unknown to me.” Carmilla felt the need to add. Laura stood up on tiptoes and kissed the taller girl’s cheek. Carmilla closed her eyes and smiled contently at the contact.

  
At dinner Carmilla picked at her food and was quiet, which wasn’t anything new. It was usually Laura who talked the most, babbling on and on about anything and everything that passed through her head. Carmilla was the quiet one, especially when there were other people around besides Laura, but she was always happy to listen to Laura’s ramblings. It reminded her how full of life the girl was. When Laura left to get ice cream for the three girls, a silence descended on the table, one that the youths of this generation described as awkward, Carmilla thought.

  
“I’m really glad you asked me to tag along. I know I’m not your favorite person.” Danny said breaking the silence but keeping her eyes on her plate.

  
“I’m really glad you agreed to come. I know I’m not your favorite person. You’re a good person, Danny, and I know you really care about Laura.” Danny looked up surprised for the second time that night. This was the first time Carmilla had ever called her by her name.

  
“I do.” Danny nodded and Carmilla met her eyes.

  
“She’s brave and headstrong and I worry about her. But I know when she’s with you if something happens you’ll protect her. It makes me worry a little less.”

  
Danny opened her mouth to reply but just then Laura returned holding three ice creams cones awkwardly, ice cream dripping down the hand that held two of them.  
Carmilla smiled in amusement. “Why didn’t you just get cups?”

  
“These looked tastier.” Laura answered handing Danny and her each a cone and licking the ice cream off her hand.

  
That night Laura and Carmilla lay in Laura’s bed cuddling.

  
“Isn’t this the part where you usually retreat to your bed?” Laura murmured sleepily her head on Carmilla’s chest.

It was true. Carmilla was old-fashioned and normally after she and Laura had made love and when Laura was either already asleep or close to it she would sleep in her own bed across from the girl. Laura had often made fun of this since having sex with someone you weren’t married to wasn’t even close to being old-fashioned never mind that that person was another girl but Carmilla had still tried to maintain it. For some reason it made her feel slightly more proper, more normal, even if it wasn’t normal for the times now.

  
“Do you mind if I stay here tonight?” Carmilla asked in an uncharacteristically small voice.

  
“Of course not.” Laura picked up her head and kissed Carmilla on the lips before returning to her former position. After a few minutes like that, Carmilla felt Laura’s breathing even out in slumber. She stayed like that, just holding the girl until the first rays of dawn starting shining.

  
“I love you, Laura,” she whispered into the girl’s hair, “My whole life I have been in love with no one else and never shall again. I will always love you.” This last part sounded broken and strangled and Carmilla felt tears running down her cheeks. She kissed the top of Laura’s head and gently shifted her over so she could get out of the bed. Laura stirred slightly for a second but then grabbed onto the yellow pillow that had floated back and forth numerous times between the two girls beds and settled into sleep again. Carmilla grabbed her bag and left without looking back.


End file.
